Homework Hell

So, my 11yo daughter started middle school this year. I now find myself dreaming of the days she was in elementary school and the homework was fun and included colored pencils and a glue stick. Now, I would gag myself with a colored pencil if I could. No joke, she sits for 2-3 hours every night completing science, math, reading and language arts. Surprisingly, there is not much in Social Studies which is my jam! I mean, I loved that subject in school and I don’t even get to enjoy it again. Math however, we have a longstanding relationship and it’s not good.

homework hell

Math hates me and I hate math. It’s the way it has always been. But now there is new math! Where we take 12 extra steps to solve a simple multiplication problem and we draw boxes and number lines to get the answer. Can I jump on the “Save the Trees” bandwagon and protest all of this work because of all of the college ruled paper we are using? That’s another thing – college ruled paper. My kid has gone from her nice wide ruled world to a world where her letters don’t fit in the lines and I’m constantly telling her to erase and write it neater. My handwriting sucks so she is doomed!

Besides the written work, there is also math to be done on the computer. I sometimes sit with her while she does this because it is confusing. It’s a crazy guy with a weird robot who is always trying to solve a cooking problem using fractions. Quit trying so hard already and just go buy the damn pie at the store! I mean, when I have a recipe that I am doubling and it asks for 2/3 cup of something, I just fill up my cute little 2/3 measuring cup twice. I don’t try to figure out what 2/3 x 2 is. There are easier ways to do this!

Didn’t we, as parents already spend at least 12 years doing homework? Must we now be forced to do it again, but also relearn a new way to do it? Wine has become my best friend and the chick at the local beverage store automatically knows to just grab a case of my favorite when I stroll in at 9:00am. One of the greatest moments of my day is when the girl is finally in bed, the husband is content and settled and I can sit on my end of couch with a glass of red and stare at the T.V. not even caring what is on. As long as it’s not Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.

Please tell me I’m not the only parent out here suffering through homework. Please tell me it gets better! How long does your kid spend staring at the ceiling doing homework every night?

Solidarity in numbers people…

This Mom

The Inappropriate Police

“Mom! Her skirt is WAY too short! You can almost see her rear end!” This was loudly proclaimed by my 9 year old daughter in reference to a 20 something girl who was also waiting for a table at the restaurant. She was standing right next to us. I quickly grabbed my daughter’s hand, started laughing and said, “what are you talking about?” as I bee-lined it for the opposite wall. This is why I have dubbed my daughter The Inappropriate Police.

Woop-woop, that’s the sound of da police…

police lights

My go to line when there are clothes she can’t wear, shows she can’t watch or music she can’t listen to is, “It’s not appropriate.” She learned this word at a young age and now relishes in pointing out every other thing that is inappropriate. I have told her numerous times that it is not polite to point out these things but to think them quietly in her head. Unfortunately, she inherited the inability to keep things to herself from me.

She doesn’t stop at clothing. She also likes to point out smokers. “Mom! They should not be smoking and that mom is killing her children.” This was a gem. No way to recover from this one. I quietly accepted the dirty look and told her once we were safely inside the car that although not healthy some adults will still smoke. The inner me was high-fiving her and hoping something registered with the young mom who was blowing smoke into her baby’s face. Shaming from a child can be quite effective.

She has also been known to inform me (and the offender) if someone has too much makeup on, if their boobs are showing or if adults are not holding their kid’s hands in a parking lot. You see, if it is against what she has been taught, it is inappropriate.

So if you want brutal honesty about anything going on in your life, just call me up. I’ll send my daughter over and you’ll be feeling horrible about yourself in no time at all. Compliments of The Inappropriate Police.

Please tell me my kid is not the only one on the force, right?

This Mom

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The Time I Was Incarcerated…

If you do the crime, you must do the time. I sarcastically rattle this off to my child when she is placed on the Naughty Step (thanks Supernanny) for her various indiscretions. Perhaps she has had a smart mouth or did not do as she was told after being asked more than once. In our house, the amount of time you sit in time out is based on how many years you are. Nine years old = 9 minutes. It’s not Rocket Science. The Naughty Step is the bottom step of the staircase that leads to the second floor and you can not see the TV from it. Perfect spot, right?

One thing I have been drilling into my girl lately is not saying phrases that sound like something else. Such as “what the heck” or “no freaking way”. I tell her that saying those things are just like saying the bad version of them and we need to steer clear. Now don’t get me wrong. When she is not around, I am TOTALLY guilty of saying the bad versions of these phrases, but I am very good at not slipping up around her. Until this week…

While we were going over her math homework the other day, I was learning a lesson in patience. Let me preface this by saying that I HATE doing homework with her but it must be done so I suck it up. I want her to succeed and feel good about her accomplishments, I just don’t want to take the hour it does to get this done. I was pretty much a straight A student and never had to take my math finals because I had aced every test leading up to them. (Here is where I blame my husband for my wonderful average student.) I am perfectly happy with her grades and would never push her to be perfect. But I digress…

Ever been here?

Homework Hell

I had gone over the same problem with her at least 50 4 times and it was wrong, yet again. So, in my moment of frustration I said, “There is no freaking way you got this wrong again.” Yep, there it is. The exact phrase she is not allowed to say.

“Mom! You are in time out on the Naughty Step!” Ummm…what do I do here? Tell her that Mom sometimes makes mistakes and move along? Apologize and tell her that this looming math problem is a bigger issue we need to tackle? That is the complete opposite of what I am trying to teach her. The bigger issue here is being a good example.

I told her she was right, but told her that grownups don’t fit on the step so I would do my time on the couch. Do you get what I am saying here people??? I got to sit. On the couch. All alone. For 38 minutes!!!

I will NOT be using this to get out of Mommy Jail!

Get out of jail card

I happily did my time. You know what they say about repeat offenders? I think I may turn into one of those. She was also very proud of the fact that she “caught” me and could not wait to tell Daddy. I got the “raised eyebrows” from him that say “seriously?” Yep, you know what I always say? If you do the crime, you must do the time.

Alright, time to fess up. Come clean and share about a time you had to take a punishment from your kids. You will feel better for getting it off your conscience.

This Mom

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