Today I realized something. My life consists of piles. Everywhere I look, there are piles of something that need to be dealt with. I am scared of some of the piles so they keep growing and will eventually consume all traces of air around me and will slowly close me in.
There are the typical piles that are probably seen in every home. The piles of laundry that need to be cleaned. The piles of clean laundry that need to be put away. I have piles of magazines that I swear I will read. (I’m an idiot, who am I kidding?) I will eventually have so many new magazines that have arrived in the mail that I will nonchalantly throw some of the older ones in the recycle bin and feel a little bit better about that pile. There are piles of books that my 9 year old swears she is reading and they are all her favorite. I don’t have the heart to get rid of books so those piles never go away.
There are piles of bills that need to be sorted, paid and filed away. There are piles of schoolwork that has already returned with their grades in blazing red pen and a few projects that I just can’t throw in the garbage. In my mind, I see myself going over this schoolwork with my daughter because I’m the super best mom ever! There’s just too much of it already and I figure she has enough homework so why punish her?
There are already piles of forms from the school selling this or that, PTA forms and papers from the teacher that need to be filled out, checks written and sent back in. This is pretty much the only thing I write checks for. It’s unbelievable, every dang entry is to the school or the PTA. I should just give them direct access to my account.
There are piles of toys that get dragged out of their hiding places and never quite put away. They are just shoved to the side, quietly discarded until I put my foot down and make her put them away or do it myself. (Side note: Doing it yourself is a great time to throw some of that crap away! Victory!)
The most dreaded piles are when we get a wild hair and decide to clean out a closet and things we aren’t quite sure what to do with get piled up in a spare bedroom. Closing the door to this room may make you forget about those piles for a while but I assure you they are always there waiting for you.
Then there are the piles that no one but you can see. These are the mental piles. The running list in your head of errands that need to be ran or items that need to be picked up. Your friends are even stacked up in piles. They get shifted in their pile according to who needs you right then and who you may have neglected for a while. Let’s face it, sometimes it’s easy to weed through that pile and discard the contaminators. Unless they are your neighbors and the only option you have left is: open garage door, pull in, shut garage door and never go outside again.
My feelings are even in piles. I have piles of guilt for not being able to keep the perfect house or make the perfect chocolate chip cookie. I’m running under the “A house is supposed to look lived in!” theory and depending on the neighborhood bakery to make me look like a rock star.
I have piles of sadness that has come from losing my sister to cancer and not wanting to deal with it. That pile will never go away. There are piles of frustration because I just can’t understand why some people are morons and why can’t they just be witty and laugh at themselves. Stop taking everything so seriously people!
The biggest pile I have (here’s where it gets sappy) is the pile of love I have for my daughter and husband. It is the biggest pile and the biggest reason why many of those other piles really are not a big deal. They will get dealt with, but I hope this pile of love and memories gets bigger and bigger and consumes all traces of air around me and slowly closes me in.
What is the biggest pile you have in your life today?